In this article Dr. Natalia Voinov will deal with how couples work through the following range of issues.

 • Change
 • Compromise
 • Haling wounds
 • Generational baggage
 • Stress
 • Children
 • Division of responsibilities
 • Re-learning
 • Solution focused approach

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Relationships can be described as a web of patterns, habits, experiences, emotions, thoughts and actions that define the individuals involved as well as their relationship.  We are all carrying around baggage that has been handed down to us by past generations, family of origin, previous relationships, and life experiences.  We are all in this huge airport running from one gate to another, from one flight to another in order to finally arrive to our desired destinations.  At our desired destinations, some of us need to claim that baggage "as is", some of us need to improve or change it before we can claim it, while some of us are better off leaving that old baggage behind in order to seek a completely new set.  Like in relationships, that is when change occurs: when we transform old familiar baggage into a new/improved one.  People just have to keep in mind that:

  • Change is difficult
  • Change is time consuming
  • Change involves rechanneled energy
  • Change is stressful
  • Change is, ultimately, what couples are looking for when they seek therapy

After changes are made, willingness to compromise and actual compromise both become crucial to healing the wounded partners.

Couples or separate individuals who are seeking answers to their daily struggles and who find their way to Dr. Natalia Voinov’s office in West Los Angeles or her office in San Fernando Valley’s Sherman Oaks (California) are learning that: all relationships go through rough patches at one time or another.  “Sam” and “Mary” found out that any emotional condition affecting Sam likely has a profound impact on Mary’s and may alter their entire connection.  They also understand that those "hiccups" if accumulated and not worked through, will most likely foster anger, resentment, hidden hostility that may lead at times to verbal/physical aggression, withdrawal, separation, or divorce.  If separation/divorce is what they are looking to achieve in psychotherapy, then helping them, means discovering which direction they seem to want to go.  If, on the other hand, “Sam” and “Mary” are attempting to mend their broken connective tissue, then learning to prioritize, take care of oneself (i.e., proper diet, exercise, meditation, yoga, hobbies) and healthy communication patterns (i.e., utilizing neutral language as opposed to highly charged-loaded words, paying attention to partner's facial expression and body language) all come into play.  Dr. Natalia Voinov’s office is where they achieve a deep understanding of their relationship, identify the type of changes they want to implement, and the desire to overcome their current difficulties.

Division of responsibilities so no partner would feel overwhelmed, overworked (or taken advantage of) is one solution focused approach designed to yield palpable results.  When children are added on to this mix, new challenges arise, relationships become more complex and partners more pressed for time.  Scheduling activities, time out, rewards all become of paramount importance and, if followed through, may release a lot of the pressure likely to build up otherwise.  Parenting skills training is to be included in any "makeover" the partners are longing for.

“Gregg” and “Suzi”, a married couple with teenage sons experiencing problems in their marital relationship, is seeking psychotherapy to alleviate their pain likely brought about by emotional withdrawal from each other.  They are referred to Dr. Natalia Voinov for psychotherapy and begin seeing her at her West Los Angeles (California) office, following several previous unsuccessful attempts at reconciliation.  The therapeutic work begins with a process of identifying Gregg and Suzi’s symptoms and likely roots of those.  Following some role playing, they agree to learn to become aware of each other's distress through verbal communication, observation, and active listening.  They seem committed to find workable solutions and to compromise whenever Gregg feels trapped and the Suzi feels unappreciated and, at times, an outsider.  They both agree that Gregg can have a night out with friends every other week, and Suzi is to be consulted when Gregg or the family is faced with major decisions.  Although they both know there are additional issues to be ironed out, the couple seems hopeful and eager to cooperate further.  There is hope and there are alternative, healthy solutions ahead of them.

Articles
Free resources from Dr. Natalia

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     Relationships

     Dealing with Abuse

     Staying Calm in the Storms of Life

     Dealing with Loss

     Conquering Emotional Turmoil

     Signs of Depression

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